Unconditional Self-Love; a book by Natasha Hynes

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About the Book:

"Unconditional Self-Love" is a book containing my step by step process to learn to love yourself.

After a lifetime of narcissistic abuse my self esteem and self-worth had been destroyed. Not only did I have two narcissistic parents gaslighting me out of my own perception of reality, removing all my personal boundaries, and instilling deep shame and self-hate, but I went on to date multiple extremely toxic people who continued the abuse.

After decades of being torn down, I managed to break free from the brainwashing and build myself back up. It's been a long and difficult process of healing through introspection, and multiple modalities. I managed to outline and communicate the exact steps it takes to get from a place of feeling like worthless garbage, to becoming strong and confident.

This is my way of sharing what I learnt with the world to help others, who have gone through similar experiences, heal their own trauma even when it feels impossible. It's easy to say "just get therapy" however in my experience that was not going to help me. Many people can't afford therapy, and even if you can, therapy can be retraumatizing if you end up with the wrong therapist. Also, when you are raised by people who punish you when you open up to them, opening up to a stranger just because they say they are there to help you can feel like a trap. I wanted to give people another option.

I was suicidal for much of my life. I know what it feels like to feel like you can't be fixed, or like the world would be better off if you didn't even try. The best thing I can do to help contribute to people feeling this way is to give them a resource that they can help themselves with in the safety of their own private space, and to be vulnerable about my own experiences so that people feel less alone.


Table Of Contents 

  1. Intro – What is Self Love

Part 1: Become Self Aware

  1. How to ask the right questions
  2. How to Understand Your Coping Strategies
  3. How to End Negative Self Talk
  4. How your environment affects how you feel about yourself

Part 2: Know Yourself

  1. How to Be Authentic
  2. how to know who you are
  3. How to Express your true self
  4. how to know your worth
  5. how to know your purpose

Part 3: Stand Up For Yourself

  1. How to know What Love Really Is
  2. How to Raise Your Standards
  3. How to Stop Being too Nice
  4. How to Set Boundaries

Part 4: Empower Yourself

  1. Stop Caring What People Think
  2. How to Accept Yourself
  3. How to Be alone without being Lonely
  4. How to Forgive Yourself
  5. How to trust yourself


  1. Conclusion



What is Self Love?

Self Love, despite what many people may think, is not something you can change by putting on enough makeup or getting plastic surgery or making enough money. Self Love is about loving yourself no matter what you look like, or what you have.

Self Love is not about being flawless, or being better than anyone, or being special in any way. It’s not about feeling like you’ve achieved things, or like you haven’t made any mistakes. It’s about knowing that you have and owning it. It’s about knowing that it’s ok to make mistakes, it’s ok to have hurt people, it’s ok to be terrible at things. It’s about knowing that failure is a part of life for everyone, and that everyone has obstacles, and knowing that you are free to get back up and forgive yourself even if the people you’ve hurt won’t forgive you. Self Love is about seeing where you are and accepting yourself exactly where that is.

It’s not about being entitled to an easy life or having things handed to you. It’s about having the courage to challenge yourself and not letting anyone tell you that you aren’t good enough to try. It’s about truly believing you deserve to be here, and you deserve to participate in life in every aspect you want. It’s about wanting the best for yourself. It’s about respecting yourself, and wanting yourself to be happy, healthy, and fulfilled, and making the necessary effort to bring those things into your experience.

Why don’t we love ourselves?

  • We don’t understand what love is and where it comes from
  • We are consistently told we don’t deserve it
  • We search for sources outside of ourselves for something we will never find

We are born happy and full of love for our self and others, and then things happen to take that away from us. We are brainwashed by the media, and even influenced by society itself to believe that we are not good enough, and to be confused about what love really is and where to find it.

People who believe they themselves are not good enough are telling you that you’re are not good enough. The people who hate themselves the most even abuse the people around them leaving their victims feeling tremendous self hate, and the cycle often continues as those victims often become abusive.

Depression is another contributing factor to self-hate which is caused by our modern-day society. Depression has been shown to be caused by toxins, malnutrition, stress, and chronic lack of sleep, all major aspects of our modern-day society as a reflection of our values.

Brainwashing, abuse, and depression are the main contributing factors to why most of us don’t love ourselves. That’s why in this course we focus on these root causes.

Subconscious reprogramming, healing from trauma, and learning to respect ourselves in all aspects are the main factors we will be covering in this book.

(From Unconditional Self-Love By Natasha Hynes)